Stuck

-Blog post from my myspace blog.-

 

I’m already feeling frustrated about this school thing. I’m not the kind of girl who can sit and listen to a lecture for hours. Sure, I love learning, but in a different way. I’d rather be experiencing, not just listening. Learning should be active!

I need something new. Change. A fresh start. But, I think that I have this idea that running away from my problems will solve them. It won’t.

Feeling overwhelmed and bored out of my mind. Help.

I always joke around that I want to become a shepherd in Ireland. Hah, doesn’t that sound relaxing?

Ever feel like something is sooo right but it’s not the right time?

This, my friends, is the story of my life.

Trusting that God has a much better plan than I have for myself. I know He does.

Trust Issues

Don’t get too close, you might get hurt.

Why has this been my mind set for the past couple years? I don’t think I’m aware of this all the time, but it’s there. I’m constantly pushing people away, but longing for friends and relationship. Same thing goes for my spiritual life. I’m holding back because I’m not trusting God with my heart. How could I not trust my creator?

I wish I could hold up a white flag and surrender everything to Christ, and I’ve tried, but really I’m just saying the words, not really meaning it. I don’t know why I think I can handle everything myself. It’s not like I’ve had any huge disappointments in my life that would cause me to be this way, but something must have happened.

I want to be able to pray to God and truly surrender everything to Him, without just saying it to say it.

Does this make any sense?

Update

Hello again! Sorry I haven’t been updating this, school and work are keeping me busy! School is going alright, 1/8 of my Lakeland experience is completed. I’m really trying to just take thing one day at a time. Lately I’ve been looking way to far into the future, I really think it only causes me more stress. I don’t need to worry about weather or not I’ll have to use a cane when I’m old. I wish I fully understood just how quickly life goes by, but I don’t think I will comprehend that until I’m 82- which is truly unfortunate.

I’m part of a bible study now, which I think is so good for me. I need it so badly. The girls in our bible study are so nice, and I love the conversation. It’s nice to be around fellow Christians, I think most of my high school career I was so hungry for that, but didn’t know where to turn. This is what I need, and I’m loving it. Please pray that I continue to grow in my faith and set aside time each day to spend with Him.

Just a random thought…

Do you ever look at people and just wonder what they are thinking or feeling? I think if we understood eachother there would be so much more peace in this world. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone is in the situation or state they are in for a reason, I want to know why! My Psychology teacher last year said to do this one time. Go to the mall, observe a person, try to create a story about them, or what they do, if they are married, kids… etc. And then… go ask them to figure out how right… or wrong you were. Now- I would NEVER do this. I’m not that bold. But wouldn’t it be interesting to see if you were right about them? I think first impressions are deceiving most of the time.

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you are all well! Hopefully I’ll keep this updated!